Lost Tooth

jacob lost his first tooth on december 10, 2011. i didn't even know it was loose. ben and i both missed it. i was at work. ben had stepped out of the house. he and noelle got to work on getting the tooth out and they succeeded.

thanksgiving

my sister-in-law, becky, and i discussed how we never get pictures of our get togethers at thanksgiving. guess what. we really didn't do much better this year.

but, believe me, fun was had by all. except for my brother-in-law, scott. there was one moment that wasn't so fun for him. it was this one moment when he got beat by his daughter at texas hold 'em. it was fun for the rest of us though. scott probably wouldn't appreciate me mentioning this publically, but i don't think he reads my blog much. if he catches wind that i did mention this, he will probably give me a hard time for not mentioning the ONE time he won over the weekend. so there you go. i mentioned it. scott, just remember if you choose to give me a hard time that i have more texas hold 'em stories that i can share about to the world through my blog.

we had great food. we played games. we laughed.

we did manage to get one important pic.

yep, we finally met the twins. aren't they cute?! and isn't this pic like too cute for words?! over the thanksgiving weekend these cuties had another cousin, julian, who was born. welcome julian! we can't wait to meet you. we need to get you in the pic with the rest of the 2011 babies real soon.

i love thanksgiving and i love my family. thanks for coming every year Scott family and thanks for coming every other year burley family!

are you really already 3 months?!

guess who's 3 months old!

chase- 3 months old (12/05/11). onesie courtesy of lesley howe. i love that girl! it says, "tiebreaker, boys win!"

you are now rolling from front to back. you are delighting your family daily with giggles and even big belly laughs too. you coo and babble like you're seriously telling me something and i entertain it. you study your hands intently before deciding to taste them. you love to play with your feet and i love watching you play with them.

chase, thank you for letting me love and kiss on your juicy cheeks several times a day. You really have a knack for being cherubic.

Last year of single digits for Noelle

nine. can you really be nine?

you came ten days early. i didn't want you to come early. don't get me wrong, i was really excited to have you here. it's just that your due date was the day of my last final for nursing school and i didn't want to be distracted with studying for my final with a new baby. because i knew it was a possibility that you might come early, i had all of my homework and clinical hours done. i prepared myself as much as i could because i was so excited to meet you.

so 10 days after you were born i took my final. 5 days after my final we moved as a family to tucson, az. it seems like it was only like 3 years ago that we were packing up your 5 pound, petite body into your carseat.

your middle name, kate, is after 2 great women, your aunt kathy and aunt kathleen. these women are wonderful older sisters who have amazing strength, compassion and make people around them feel good and want to do better. your dad and i have so much love and respect for these women and you are living up to your namesake! you have big shoes to fill and you are not just doing it...you are doing it well.

now you're 9! before i was even old enough to have a reasonable desire to have children, i dreamt about you and you are even more beautiful and perfect than i imagined. you're smart, talented, organized, nice, unusual (in such a great way) and cute as a button. there was a boy in your class who happened to tell his grandmother (Fauna), "there are some girls who are pretty and some who are nice. ellie altop is both." you truly are a rarity on this planet.

for your birthday this year, you wanted lucky charms for breakfast, mc donalds for lunch, and macaroni and cheese with hotdogs in it and apples for dinner. we picked you and 3 of your friends, morgan, lydia and braquel up for your birthday lunch. you wanted a strawberry shortcake cake for your birthday.

here are some fun facts about you in your own words as you go into your 9th year of life:
favorite song: you belong with me
favorite food: macaroni & cheese
favorite book: read to your bunny
favorite movie: baby geniuses
what do you want to be when you grow up?: a teacher
best friend: andalyn, morgan & lydia
what are you good at?: i'm good at math
what are you not good at?: i'm not good at doing division
what do you want to accomplish while you're 9?: get better at division
is there anything funny about you?: i don't know

this family is so blessed to have you!!

Ben is 35!

before i write your official 35th birthday post, i have to post about your race. i can't believe i didn't do it sooner. i'm so sorry, but chase was only 4 weeks old at the time. please forgive me.

the tour of the white mountains was on october 1, 2011. you injured yourself just before i had chase. we think that it was your it band. you were still determined to do this race. i was worried you were going to aggrevate the injury. but i understood. you had already put in so much hard work training.

you completed and you did better than your last mountain bike race and i am so proud of you!

so you're 35 now! another year older, another year hotter! we met when you were 15. started dating when you were 17. married when you were 21 (i was 20). we were babies. i look at our engagement photo on our wall and...wow, we were babies. let's keep growing up together, mmmk? then one day, when we're looking back at the photo above we will say, "wow, we were babies."

does 35 mean you're officially middle aged? i don't know when that happens. i figure since you're hitting these landmarks before me, you can tell me when it happens. i'm going through this journey with you, but you do it so well that i can't visibally see it happening to you. so you tell me when it hits. it was just a couple of months ago that i told you, "i don't think that we're a young married couple anymore." it's funny. i don't know when we weren't a young married couple anymore. one day i just had the realization that we weren't. thanks for making me feel like we are still a young married couple...i keep falling more and more in love with you even though i don't think i can be any more in love with you. how do you do that to me?!

lately at our house...and the twins!

this is going to be a long post. i'll admit i've taken entirely too long of a break from blogging especially since i intend for it to be my family journal. please excuse me. i've been enjoying my "maternity leave." so i'm hoping that i can get all caught up with this post.

"maternity leave" is something i've never had to take. i've been dreading going back to work. i love where i work and who i work with. this is just something i've never done with a new baby. i didn't know how to do it. i know it sounds silly especially since i'm an ob nurse. i teach women how to pump when they go back to work and such. it's a different story to do it yourself. i didn't want to because it's unknown territory for me and i've never done it before, so why should i now? i've never owned a bottle or had one on my shelf. yesterday was my first day back to work. i did it. my co-workers are great. never once did they make me feel guilty for pausing to have to go pump. (all guilt came entirely from within myself.) ben says that i like to feel guilty or worried because i always find something to feel guilty or worry about. i'm working on it.

when i came home from my first official day back to work, my family was happy to see me. i got a greeting from my kids that is usually reserved for dad. ben was sitting on the loveseat holding chase with all of the others sitting around him in the front room and said to the kids, "we'll see how long it takes for mom to notice." i quickly scanned each child. i begged him to please just tell me what it is that i am suppose to notice and he told me that he couldn't just tell me. i hadn't seen chase's face yet because of the way ben was holding him and as ben readjusted him i thought surely there was going to be a big goose egg on his forehead or something. i have all of the faith in the world in my husband caring for our children when i'm gone, but the last time he said, "we'll see how long it takes for mom to notice," upon coming home from work my then 5 year old had given her 3 siblings hair cuts, so i thought for sure something was wrong with one of the kids. nothing was wrong. i turned around and my new ottoman had arrived in time for thanksgiving and he had made time in his busy day home with all 5 kids to pick it up.
after all of the worrying, you know what? my kids were fine. in fact, they were better than fine. they all had a great day. dad enjoyed his time feeding the baby (something he's never done.) Noelle helped with one of the feedings and loved it too. i've been hogging the baby. i'll admit it. it's just that, like i said earlier, i've never worked after having a baby and he's just so fun and cute and he smells so good and...okay maybe i'm being a little selfish. but, he really is a slice of heaven. see for yourself.


above: october 5, 2011 (1 month old)

right: november 5, 2011 (2 months old)

below: november 7, 2011

i didn't get to post first day of preschool pics of sadie with the other kids first day of school pics because she started a month later. well guess what? i'm not going to get to post pics of her first day. keep reading. sadie is lovin' preschool. her first day was the day after i had chase. i was in the hospital for her first day so i didn't get to see her off. preschool starts at 9 am. believe me, i had expressed to those around me that i thought maybe i would try to get discharged extra early so that i could be there for her first day. those around me convinced me otherwise and i shouldn't have let them. she had a new outfit. i didn't get to do her hair. i didn't get to hear her excitement in the car on the way. i didn't get to hear her anticipation. i shouldn't have been convinced to stay in the hospital because not only did i not get to experience any of this with my sweet sadie lady, but there is not even a picture to prove that she went to her first day! i called my husband before 9 am to make sure that a picture was taken. he remembers taking the picture. he remembers struggling to have sadie hold still and look at the camera because she was so excited. he just doesn't know what camera it's on. clearly it wasn't any of our cameras because i've gone through them all. so, i have no picture to journal the day and i am sorry sadie! i want to cry. your personality and excitement is larger than life and all that i can say about your first day of preschool is that i know that you showed that personality to your preschool friends and teacher!! everyone is excited to see you when you get there. you have a preschool class of all girls and your teacher was excited to be able to do lots of fun girl things...all things i know you love.

jacob is 6! jacob, your smile has brought this family so much joy. you wanted an airplane cake. i didn't have much time to frost it and so the details are,...well let's just say that it's a good thing that i didn't have much time to do it because if i did i would have spent entirely too much time on it. you would have been happy with any ol' airplane cake, but your dad said it should be a fighter jet, so that is what you got!

jake, we are so proud of you and all you have accomplished in your 6 years. you are smart, creative, observant, curious, sweet (unless you're on time-out, then your grumpy...and even then you're still sweet. if that makes any sense. it does to me.) others must see some of these positive qualities too because you were chosen as student of the month for the month of september for your class. you chose pancakes with fruit and chocolate milk for your breakfast, macaroni and cheese with hot dogs for your lunch and you wanted to go to pizzaria venti for dinner. you chose cheese pizza. we had some of your friends over after school for lunch, treats and fun. the friends you had over are peyton, cash and jasmin. i know that this will probably embarrass you one day to mention this, but i have to just so that we remember just how you are at 6 years old. you think jasmin is pretty, which she is. you're a monkey. you climb up anything that can or shouldn't be climbed on. you like to shimmy up the door jam with your strong little hands and toes. you like green and that is why you chose green and white for your airplane cake. you have so much energy, endurance and passion. you are even passionate when throwing your fits! some days you are more than one mother can handle, but even then you are loved more and more each day. happy 6th birthday my jakey, jake!

ethan, lately you've been saying all sorts of cute things. one day you came home from school and, while playing with Chase, asked me why babies are so cute. i told you, "because they are small and most of the time small versions of big things are cute." the next day you came home and asked the same question. this time i responded with, "because Heavenly Father made them cute." The next day you asked me, "why does Heavenly Father make babies cute?" i told you that it was so when you get bigger and naughtier we can remember how cute you were and not beat you. he looked at me and i smiled at him and, when he realized i was joking, he smiled back. seriously ethan, do you not realize how cute you are? have i mentioned how cute i think it is when boys say the word cute?...especially when they are men it is seriously so cute. by the way, you were student of the month for your class for the month of november. you also lost your 3rd tooth. ellie was playing with chase, flailing his hands around like he was a boxer or something and it knocked your loose tooth right out. chase had it in his hand after he knocked it out. you thought that was pretty funny.

noelle you are a little mommy. you want to change diapers. you want to hold chase, even if he's crying. you want to babysit. you had to reach some reading goals at school and if you did you would earn a bear. well you earned your bear and you are so proud of this bear. his name is buckles. you treat the bear like a baby and like part of the family. the bear is cute and all, but there really isn't anything super special about it. buckles goes everywhere the family goes, but i have had to tell you that we leave buckles in the car so he doesn't get lost. seriously ellie, it is just a little on the annoying side. i'm letting it slide for now because i'm pretty sure that it's just a phase. i'm also letting it slide because even though i say there's nothing special about it, i know that it's special to you. i'm also seeing that you love this bear more than any of your other bears, dolls or stuffed animals because you earned it. you had to work hard for it. so as annoying as this phase is for your dad and i, we are going through it with you because you earned it and i think you might learn some lessons from this because of how hard you worked to earn this. by the way we don't tell you that this is annoying right now, but one day when you are older reading this when you have kids of your own, we will let you read this and you will understand. you were also student of the month for your class during the month of september. you also recently finished another piano book and have started on another one. your piano teacher can't believe how quickly you are flying through your books.

halloween was fun at our house. thanks for loaning us some of the awesome costumes aunt becky.

ben got a promotion!! he is now an engineer. yeah! he's the hardest working firefighter, most fun dad, and best husband i know. i love this ride of life because i'm taking it with him. he treats me like a fairytale princess.

and for some other family business i need to take care of. in a previous entry, i mentioned something about some twin cousins that would join the family soon after chase's arrival. well, you girls came 2 weeks to the day after chase. it would have been good if you could have stayed in just a bit longer, but you two were just too determined. already showing some personality. i think your mom was a bit tired too. we are so glad you've come and there are 7 more people, bursting with love up in the mountains that are anxious to meet you. we can tell that you are so cute from your pictures, but we want to get to know you in person. now listen up, the point of this little blurb about you guys is to congratulate you on your arrival and to send a little hint that you're mom worked really hard to bring you two here at the same time so maybe when you two get old enough to read this you should think about giving your parents a break for like 20 minutes, mmm k? by the way, you two are going to love your cousins. you won't believe how funny they are.

we've got some other big changes for our family coming up with the new year that we are excited and nervous about all at the same time. more on that later. if you'll excuse me, i've got to get ready for the week. it's Thanksgiving and we are all very excited to eat and be with family. it's the most wonderful time of the year. i think thanksgiving is my most favorite holiday. you get to eat lots of food and be with family. it used to be my birthday, but i'm older and much more mature now ;)

Baby Story & Confessions

My Sweet Baby Chase,

You're finally here and I am so in love! I can't wait to get to know you. We have had fun getting to know you while you were in my belly. You would almost always push back, sometimes quite forcefully, when your dad and I would push on you. We can see by your size that maybe we were crowding your space and maybe that's why you were sometimes aggressive with your kicks and punches :).

(last photo taken before delivery at exactly 39 weeks)

The week before you were born there were 6 days that I really thought I was going into labor. I would have contractions and would wait for them to get closer together to go to the hospital and then they would just stop. I guess you were too cozy. With previous pregnancies I always waited to go to the hospital until my contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart, but on September 5th, 2011 I woke up at about 3:45 am and BAAM!! they were instantly 3 minutes apart. There was no waiting. It was time to go as soon as they started.

We got to the hospital at about 4:15 and everything moved quickly. So quickly that the doctor didn't make it. I was okay with that though because you were delivered where I work. So it was my friends that delivered you and I knew that we were in good hands.

(born at 39 weeks and 4 days)

Although you kept me on my toes that week before I had you, you knew when you were ready and you didn't hesitate. You arrived at 5:43 am (just under 2 hours of labor!) at 8 pounds 3 ounces and 20 inches! You are absolutely perfect in every way. I still look at you and can't believe what a big boy you are. You were instantly fun to squeeze and love on. I can't get enough of your cheeks! They are too fun to kiss and pinch. I'll work on this though because I'm sure you're not going to appreciate this in a few short years when I'm dropping you off at school.

You almost came home from the hospital without a name. I hope you like your name my Chaser Acer!

(1 day old)

After having your older 4 siblings so close together, I was so worried about how they would respond to you. Would they feel displaced? How will each adjust? Sadie has been the baby for so long...would she no longer feel like one of my babies? Each one of your siblings could not be more thrilled to have you here! We all dote on you every day. Each one of your siblings wants to help you out in any way they can. Each one of them makes a comment about how cute you are on a regular basis...more on that in another post later.

Speaking of your 4 older siblings...when others around us realize that your 4 older siblings came to our family in 4 1/2 short years and now you have come 4 years after the last baby, they ask if you were a surprise. Just to clear things up for you, you were planned just as carefully as your other 4 siblings. We were just as excited about having you come to our home as every one of your siblings. I made your dad promise that we wouldn't have another child if we couldn't bring that baby into the world with just as much excitement as the first...and we have both kept that promise.

You are 3 days shy of 4 weeks old now and I want it to slow down. You were a chubby chunk of love when you arrived and you are even more so now. You light up our whole home every day. You even manage to melt my heart in the middle of the night. You are already such a spirited little boy. Every single one of your siblings ask where you are as soon as they come home from school and preschool. I hope you like all of the attention. I'm really glad that you were born as solid as you are because your siblings love you hard!...but really, you could not have come to a more fun family and we couldn't have gotten a better addition!

I have a confession. I probably shouldn't admit this to you. I'm still working on this parenting thing. Since your numero cinco you would think that I'm an expert by now. I pretend that I am. The fact is that even if I had 20 kids I still wouldn't be an expert because none of you are the same. I thought that I would grow up with Noelle and then know how to do this with each subsequent child. The reality is that I am growing up with each of you. There are a few things that I have learned that I hope I have improved on. I will try really hard to put those things that I have learned into practice.

Confession #2: Because of my previously mentioned confession, you will teach me more than I will ever teach you.

Now that I have told you how much we love you, how fun you are and confessed can I ask you for a favor? I am your favorite and I like it. The problem is I was Noelle's, Ethan's, Jacob's, and Sadie's favorite too but this seems to only last for about a year until their meal ticket expires. Your dad is like way awesome, but is there any chance that I can remain your favorite even when the milk truck stops coming? I would really like that. If not, I'm okay with being second favorite...really I am. I can see why dad is the favorite. I just really want you to like me.

Did I mention I love having you here? Did I mention how cute you are? Did I mention I love squeezing you and your cheeks? Did I mention you're perfect?

(2 1/2 weeks old)

I love being your mom.

Whew!...

So...close call with baby being transverse. I had my OB appointment on Monday and baby is back to the head down position like a good little boy or girl. Thanks for all of the good thoughts and prayers. I am dilated to a 2 1/2 and 50% effaced. 38 week pic to come on Thursday...if I remember!

Have I told ya'll that this little one is going to have 3 other cousins born shortly following this ones debut? That's right! Ben's sister is expecting twin girls that should arrive within a few weeks after...if they behave. Those girls are already givin' their mom trouble! Then, Ben's brother is expecting a little boy in November. This little one will have plenty of cousins his or her age...pretty lucky, no blessed if you ask me! So will our little one even up the Altop 2011 boy/girl ratio? What do you think?

Love Where I Work

Not only do I love where I work and what I do, but I love who I work with. It is mostly a happy place to be. When it isn't a happy outcome...it is heartbreaking and this can be hard. But, I feel privileged to work where I do and with who I do...ya'll are great! I'm so excited to have people I love and trust be the people who take care of me because I know that they will go above and beyond for me...I will admit that it might be just slightly wierd. However we've all done and seen it all in our department so I really need to get over it!


So one downfall, if I can even call it that, is to know what you know and work where I work when I'm in the condition I'm in. It's hard not to think about all of the many things that can go wrong. Aside from not feeling as well as I have with other pregnancies, things have really gone text book for this pregnancy. Wait, I think that the "discomforts" that I'm referring to are text book. I think that my other four pregnancies and not feeling these discomforts means they might have been abnormal! Anyways, the past several visits baby's head has been down and in a good position. So good that at my last appointment when checking baby's position the doc stated, "Oh yeah, that baby's head isn't going anywhere at this stage in the game." This baby has been a good little baby. The movement for this baby has been CRAZY, but one thing that's been different is that I have always felt the movement in the same areas since I started feeling movement...back when it was so small that it didn't really matter what position this baby was in. Basically it's always been in the right position or close to.


One of those discomforts that I was talking about that I'm feeling this time around is the inability to bend over. But, on Friday I was just not having it. I was bound and determined. I have a routine to keep my house clean and running smoothly and not getting behind and because of how I have felt it was very much behind. I was done with being behind. I was going to get caught up and keep it up. I have to, I'm about to add a newborn to my already overflowing plate. So, on Friday I got the kids to school, came home and got to work. There just isn't getting around having to bend over to clean up in this house with all the little toys. I tried to avoid it when I could, but I couldn't completely. I picked things up off the floor, I made beds, I pulled things in and out of the washer and dryer. Things that my husband and kids have been doing for me because of the discomfort this time. Ben came home from work that morning. I was about an hour and a half in to my plan and when he got home I filled him in. He responded, "You know I'm not going to let you do this. So, you just be the director and I'll take orders." (I know, he's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!) I let him know he wasn't going to stop me, but I did put him to work on the bathtub! (That one is definitely not going to happen for me right now) While he was workin' I was too and we were gettin' a lot done. After about a total of two and a half to three hours of this, I was done. I was achey, my back hurt and I was worried that if I continued I for sure wouldn't be able to function the next day at work. So I reluctantly listened and laid down hoping I could get through one more shift at work. I did NOT feel so well the rest of the day.

Within minutes of me laying down, something kinda startled me. I felt some baby movement in an area of my belly that I have not felt it the entire pregnancy and I was having an easier time breathing than what I had been. GREAT! I shared my fears with Ben that all of that bending over was also making baby uncomfortable so baby moved. Ben tried calming my fears with, "Everything's going to be fine! Doc said that baby isn't going to move now." I rested most of the rest of the day on Friday and I woke up feeling just okay on Saturday and went to work. It worked out well because it was an abnormally slow day. So abnormally slow that we all decided it was a good time for one of our new RN's to get some practice with me. They ran a strip on baby. I had some decent contractions for her and everything. (I've been contracting A LOT for awhile now...just nothing regular yet.) They all knew that I was worried that baby wasn't head down anymore so we decided to let our new RN get some practice checking baby position first by palpating. Then we pulled out the ultrasound machine to confirm and sure enough, baby is transverse!!! NO!!!

Needless to say, I'm very upset with myself! But, what am I to do now? Of course I'm trying everything, but there's not a whole lot of room now. Babies have been known to still turn, I just know that it is getting kinda late. I see doc tomorrow. In the mean time I'm hoping and praying that baby will still work his or her head down. Any prayers offered towards this cause are much appreciated. Who knows? Maybe baby will have already gotten back in position by my appointment tomorrow.

Back to school and a need to take on Pollyanna's challenge to play the Glad Game

Updates first:

The first day of school was on Wednesday, August 10th. I have 2 1/2 in school. I say 1/2 because my 3rd is in Kindergarten which is half day. So Noelle is in 3rd grade, Ethan is in 2nd and Jacob is in Kindergarten. Have I mentioned how much I love...I mean LOVE having my kids so close together in age. On one hand it has been hard to have them leave off to school one after another so quickly. On the other hand, Ethan was so good with his little brother making sure he knew where to put his back pack and when and where to line up. Ethan had friends coming to him inviting him to play with them and he would let them know that he was going to play with his brother or that he needed to help his little brother. This came totally unprompted ...completely his choice. This is so great to see because honestly he acts like he could care less about his little brother at home. As sad as I am that they are at school more than they are at home, the positives are that we got the teachers that we wanted for all of them, we are back into a routine and they all seem to be adjusting well. Here are some pics of each of them on their first day of school. Noelle was complaining that the sun was in her eyes. Sadie starts preschool the first week in September so pictures of her first day will come later.
Ben has been busy on his off days doing things for me that when I do them leaves me not able to function the next day. He's also currently training for the Tour of the White Mountains that is coming up in October. He's so good about it too. He tries to make sure it doesn't interfere with my day by waking up super early to train.


I am now 36 weeks and 1 day...officially in my 9th month! Yeah!! My doctor asked me how anxious I was to have the baby. I let him know that I actually wasn't that anxious. He was a little confused until I explained to him that the baby is so much easier to take care of inside, but that I knew I would be more comfortable with it out! He replied, "Ah, a realist." That's me, just keepin' it real. Anyways, I am really just trying to enjoy this. Trying to savor every movement. I really do love being pregnant, this one just hasn't been as smooth sailing. I still love it though. I'm amazed that my body can grow a baby. I said in an earlier post that I didn't want to get too anxious about baby coming because I didn't want to wish the summer away because I wanted to enjoy my kids being at home with me. Well, they are back to school and there is nothing I can do about that. So now I am anxious to meet you little one. I'm anxious to hold you, see what you look like and for you to be here. So, here's a pic of me from yesterday at exactly 36 weeks. This is one of the least flattering pictures of me ever, but we've gotta document the journey.

Other fun things about this pregnancy. I have never really cared for cherries. I do now. I actually really like them. Are they just particularly good this year or is this a pregnancy thing? I've always been particularly fond of grape soda, but I'm not much of a soda drinker. I've needed a grape soda every now and then. It was brazilian limeade earlier in the pregnancy. I've always liked artichokes too, but again I've kinda needed them the past couple of weeks. Grapes have been tasting really good too. I've been eating an insane amount of ice cream and want chocolate malts often...okay that might not be anything different from the norm.

On to other things. Can I pout like a 2 year old for a minute? NOTHING is going my way right now! It feels like nothing has been going my way for several months now. NOTHING...personal stuff, stuff with Ben's work, etc. There are some pretty major things that I really wanted to go my way and because they didn't it feels like a really BIG deal when even the little things aren't going my way right now. I know that gestational hormones may be playing a role in how I've been feeling, but seriously I'm starting to feel invisible. Is no one hearing what I'm saying?! Is no one seeing what I'm seeing? I know, I know...it all sounds selfish. I'll be off my rant in a sec. I have literally been praying for a little boost...anything to give me a boost because the things that I think need to happen aren't happening or going to happen. There are so many things surrounding this pregnancy that I can't control and even the things that I think I can, I am not being allowed to. I'm a pretty simple girl and rarely have a request and when I do, they are not huge requests. Apparently they are though because nothing is going my way and I want to fold my arms, stomp to my room, slam the door and cry (gestational hormones talking) until something does. Don't I deserve it?! I have some major things going on and I would like one of my requests to be acknowledged by someone...someone...anyone...Bueller? (2 year old self talking) I'm starting to lose sleep over some of these things and I really can't afford that right now! Things have so not been going my way that I have really just tried not to even talk about it because I thought that I was just bringing this all on to myself. I really am a very positive, upbeat person and so I thought that maybe one negative thing and the way that I would feel was bringing the next negative thing. I hate that I'm opening myself up enough to even let anyone see this negative and don't want anyone to feel yucky reading this...the post gets better though.

So I say that I am a simple girl and then this morning I was eating a piece of chocolate cake. (Yes, in the morning. I'm allowed, I'm pregnant. But, this is something I would do even if I wasn't. Anyone who knows me, knows this about me.) But what is strange about this is I don't care for chocolate cake (yes, you read that correctly.) Who doesn't like chocolate cake? Me. The reason is that chocolate cake rarely tastes chocolatey to me. Occasionally I will find a chocolate cake that enough chocolate has been added to it that it actually tastes like chocolate and I enjoy it. The reason I was enjoying the chocolate cake this morning is because it had been drowned in caramel and had Skor bar crushed on the top. Anyways, as I was eating this chocolate cake thinking about how I don't normally care for chocolate cake I thought to myself, "Who doesn't like chocolate cake?" I quickly thought of my step-mom. She and I share the same feelings on this topic. But, aside from her, most people want to indulge in a thick slice of chocolate cake and I started thinking that maybe I'm not as simple as I think I am...but, even if I'm not, I'm still not hard to please.


(Okay, big girl talking) What is the Lord trying to tell me? I seriously have so much in my life. Why in the world am I complaining? Despite my feelings right now, here's what I know, here's what REALLY matters:

• I may long to have family close by, but atleast I have my supportive husband. I think that we have now been without family support for so long that now we just do what we have to no matter what and pull together. As much as I wish it could be different, maybe this makes our family stronger. Maybe we are setting some sort of example for our kids.



• My husband cares. The truth is that if people really knew my husband, there would be a lot of jealous women out there. Especially when they realize he puts up with ME!



• I have 4 beautiful, healthy children...and 1 on the way.



• We have our jobs and we are able to set up my schedule around his so our kids don't even have to go to day care.



• I have a home, food, water, AC when it's hot, and heat when it is cold.



• I don't just have the previously mentioned necessities, the Lord has blessed us with EXTRAS!



• My kids have the sweetest little hands that I love to feel holding mine, or when they put them on my cheeks and tell me that they love me.



• I have the gospel. I have Christ in my life.

Seriously Alison...just stop your pouting! Although I would really like to see some things go differently, there are just so many things I can't control. Even though there are things that I would like to see go differently, I know that I would not trade some of the challenges that I have with others. So, I hope that anyone reading this who's heart is aching right now will not judge me for mine. That is one of the reasons that I did not specifically mention my current complaints. I know that things could be worse and that my complaints are just that. I am NOT suffering the way some of you have. My heart has ached for so many of you who are reading this right now when you have truly suffered. I feel guilty for even complaining, but I blog for my family. So that when my kids and grandkids read one day, they will learn from me. The above list is actually quite a bit longer and even in all of this self pity that I am drowning in right now I can see that I am not even deserving of a fraction of these things. I mean really my husband puts up with me. He does more than puts up with me...he even pretends that he likes it. If he's not pretending, please don't tell him how much better he can do. The truth is, I don't need anything more and at this point would feel bad about anything being done any differently now because I would feel like it had something to do with the fit I just threw! ;) I want for things to go the way the Lord would have them go because in all reality it's probably better than any way that I would have them go. Have you every heard the song Unanswered Prayers? I have faith that things will turn out better. Okay, I'm sorry for the complaining and I'm done! The above list continues to get longer and better each day and for that I am crazy thankful!! (I stole the term crazy thankful from my amazingly beautiful cousin, Michelle)

Freak Show

I only work on an as needed basis and didn't have any shifts this week so Ben took the week off too. It's been great having him home. He worked 2 48 hour shifts last week so having him home has been very needed, appreciated & definitely wanted. He usually works 24 hour shifts which is very long...48 is too long.

We went to Out of Africa last Wednesday. Fun experience...We probably should have done it a little sooner in the pregnancy or after baby comes. It's definitely better than a zoo experience, but I'm not sure that it's so much better that they should charge what they are charging, even if we did use their $7 off per ticket promo. Still worth going to and experiencing atleast once. Here are some pics from our day.




We decided to go home through Flagstaff since I miss luxuries such as Target here in Show Low. After the shopping, we went to dinner at Oregano's. This was some good eats!! I highly recommend it and they do a good job entertaining the kiddos. They pass out little balls of uncooked pizza dough to the kids while you wait for your food. My kids loved it.

So why am I titling this blog "Freak Show?" Whilst eating, a young couple came in the restaurant and was seated right next to our table of 6 + 1 on the way. They didn't say anything to us directly, but they may as well have. We could feel the judgements. I am so used to the comments...

"Wow, you have your hands full!"

"Are they all yours?"

"Are any of them twins?"

"You don't look old enough to have this many kids." (I'm sure that my size has something to do with this. I always assure people that I am plenty old and that I was almost 25 when I had my first.)

"You know what causes that?"...(one of my personal faves!)

There are others, but these are the ones I/we get most frequently. Most of the time the comments and looks are made in good taste or out of genuine curiosity. Occasionally, I would get a look and/or comment that seems a little disgusted. Those kinds of people usually make me laugh. So this young couple sitting next to us was so cute. The boyfriend had a clear view of our table, while the girlfriends back was to our table. I saw the boyfriend notice our family. He continued talking to his date. Of course it was an assumption, but it appeared and felt like the conversation was about our clan...still not sure. So I casually mentioned to Ben that our family had been "noticed" when the girl casually looked to the side and then out of the corner of her eye at our table and did the visual count of the kids. It was too obvious now. Ben and I were laughing. Looks and comments obviously continued and Ben and I just laughed at these amateur people watchers. See, Ben and I are pro people watchers. This was a regular date for us when we were newlyweds. We would go to the mall, get a pretzel and an Orange Julius and sit and people watch...good times. When there was a particularly good people watching night, we would call it the "Freak Show."

Our family finished our lovely dinner and yummy dessert and we figured we better all go potty before the 2 1/2 hour trip home. We had a couple of the kids go potty and Ben told me that I could go and then take the two that had gone to the car and he would get the other two and follow shortly behind me. As I started to gather our things and started scooting towards the edge of our booth to get up, the "discreet" glances from the young couples table started again! What in the world?! Then it dawned on me!...I told Ben, "They are realizing that I'm pregnant too!" In the past I always thought that these looks were funny, but for some reason I was not wanting to get up! I was feeling self conscious. I sat there wondering, "Why am I feeling like this now? I haven't ever cared in the past." I looked at Ben and said, "I'm part of the Freak Show!" We couldn't help but laugh and when I got up the couple would not look at me. I think that they had realized that we caught on to their conversation or maybe their conversation had moved on to a much more worthwhile topic. When we all got settled in the car I talked to Ben about the possibility that it was all in my head, but we both agreed that it was all much too obvious. Ben and I came up with a lot of things that would have been so much fun to say to the couple that would have made them laugh too, but we refrained! I thought about sharing some of them with this post, but would not want anyone to take something the wrong way. (Remember my last post? I'm working on not saying something the wrong way or saying too much.) So go ahead and give Ben and I some more chuckles and tell us...What would you have said or wanted to say? Just to get you started, Ben wants me to add his favorite that he came up with: "If you had me, you wouldn't be able to control yourself either!"

Foot in Mouth

Sometimes, I think that I need to practice this art of putting my foot in my mouth and stop while I am ahead. Nothing has happened recently, but I sometimes think back on certain conversations with people I have come in contact with and think, "I shouldn't have said that," or "That came out wrong." I hope I haven't hindered friendships or offended someone. If I have, I did not intend to. Anywho, I know that sometimes I say too much or say the wrong thing. I am working on it!

On another note, Sadie told me last night as I was putting her to bed and giving my sweet baby loves, she looked at me and rather sweetly said, "Mom, I don't think that you're the right mom for us." I wanted to crumble! I wanted to cry! I wanted to overreact!...I didn't. I want her to be able to talk open to me this way, right? I'm not so sure that I wanted to hear that, but atleast she's comfortable enough to tell me...right? So, I just looked at her and said, "Well, why would I not be the right mom for you?" I wasn't sure that I wanted to hear the response. Was she going to tell me that she would rather have one of her friends moms or one of her aunts as a mom? She responded, "Because you're mean and you put us on time out." Okay, I can handle that. I explained to her the reasons that she had been given time outs recently and explained to her that she knows that these choices were not good choices and that it's up to her if she wants to make inappropriate choices than she will have time outs. I went on to explain that I would not be a good mom if I allowed her to continue hitting, calling names, etc. without a time out. I asked her if she would expect Jacob to have a timeout if he hit her and, of course, she said yes. Who knows if she understands in her 4 year old mind what I was trying to explain, but she did still tell me that she loves me and graced me with a bed time hug and kiss. Much needed after that statement!

I can't believe that I am posting this for others to see, but this is a journal for our family and it needs to be documented!

With Much Emotion...

Well, we finally did it! We cut Noelle's hair. This isn't the first major cut she has had, however this is the shortest she has ever gone and it was hard...for me anyways. She wanted it this way and it is her hair. I love having the option to braid and curl and do all of the fun girly things with it. This girl has got some great hair, but her short do has turned out quite cute if I don't say so myself! She has so much hair, it was best to divide it into 2 pony tails for the cut. So Ellie ended up getting 14 inches cut off and she donated it to Locks of Love. Here are some pics from the event...




























Of course, Sadie wanted to get her hair cut like big sister, Ellie's, after she saw hers getting done. I still need the option of being able to pull Sadie's hair out of her face and don't want to do bangs so we went shorter, but not as short as Ellie's. Sadie is still very happy with the end result. I was playing with Noelle's new do so I missed getting some before photos when Sadie got up in the chair. But, if you want to see what Sadie's hair was like before, you can look at my previous post which has a picture of Sadie on her birthday in May. Sadie ended up getting 5 inches cut off...not enough to donate to Locks of Love, but she had a great time at the salon. Check her out chillin' in the salon chair! For all of you who don't remember, Sadie is obsessed with Rapunzel right now. The moment we walked out of the salon Sadie asked me if her hair turned brown?! Here are Sadie's pics...















Thanks Anne Marie for super cute hair cuts on both of my girls! You never fail us!!

Here's the pregnancy update. I am 31 weeks today...officially in the single digit week count down! Woo hoo!! Even though I am bigger than what I have been in past pregnancies at this time, I'm measuring right on now. The baby has been measuring right on, but my belly has been measuring small. My belly usually measures small and doesn't usually catch up until after 36 weeks. So I am definitely bigger this time around and feeling it. I don't know where I have put the baby in the past, but I am feeling it this time around. Things that haven't usually been difficult for me during pregnancy have been more difficult this time around...harder to work, harder to sleep, harder to bend over, harder to breathe. I know that these are all normal pregnancy things...it's just too early for me and I wasn't expecting it yet. I am still just trying to enjoy every moment of the pregnancy though. I know that these are not things I should complain about. We're getting excited to meet this little one. I am feeling anxious but I don't want to get too anxious because I don't want to miss out on this summer vacation with my kids. This baby is due just one month after my kids go back to school. So I feel like if I get too anxious about the baby coming that I'm also getting anxious about my kids going back to school and I'm not. I feel that I've already missed out on this summer vacation with my kids as I have not done so many of the things that I usually do with them during summer break because I'm tired. Nonetheless, I am still enjoying having them all home and letting them relax from the routine and just letting them run and play. I can't believe there is only one more month of summer vacation!! So this picture is of me a week ago. I meant to get this right on my 30 week mark, but forgot and got it at 30 weeks and 1 day.

Other things that we've been doing lately...

*We got to go camping with Ben's parents, Grandma & Grandpa Altop. It was a very strange camping trip because we couldn't have a camp fire due to the many large wildland fires all over the state and dry conditions! This is the first time that I have ever been camping without a camp fire and I have decided that it is like Christmas without a Christmas tree. Oh, and my pregnant state of mind forgot the camera to document the event, so no pics. I think that Grandma got some though. While Grandma & Grandpa were here we got to go to the Family Fun Park and ride the go-carts...well, everyone except for me. I was asked not to ride because of my condition. I thought about lying to the young lad who asked me if I was pregnant. Could you imagine his horror if I had told him that I didn't know what he was talking about and denied it?! I was both honest and cooperative and it gave Grandpa Altop another opportunity to ride since the kiddos weren't tall enough to drive these particular go-carts by themselves. We let the kids drive the kiddie go-carts later.

*This years annual 4th of July tradition with our family was interrupted by an injury. It has been tradition since our second year living up here that Ben's sister and family all come up for the 4th of July festivities. We go to the rodeo, we play games, we bbq, we go to the parade and fireworks and party it up all weekend. This year Ben's sister, Kathleen had a back injury and some other events that prevented her from coming. On the 3rd her husband and kids decided to still come up and we had a blast, but it wasn't the same without her. We weren't able to cram all of the festivities into the short time that they were here, but were so glad that they came. Here are some pics of us while waiting for the parade to start. By the way Kathleen, even though your husband and children made it up here for one night, we still think that the Burley family owes us a weekend!

*While I was at work yesterday, Ben took the kids to the Petrified Forest. They had a great time! Ben really is a rockstar Dad!! He is ALWAYS willing to give the kids a good time with or without my help!...And they are a handful since we had the 4 of them all in 4 1/2 years...a handful of JOY!

Kinda funny that I thought this time would be different

When I was pregnant with Noelle, Ben was gone for 6 months of the pregnancy. He had gone off to basic training and tech school and managed to make it in just enough time for her delivery.

When I was pregnant with Ethan, Ben was gone for 3 months of the pregnancy. He was deployed to Afghanistan.

When I was pregnant with Jacob, Ben was gone for 3 weeks. He had a military training in Texas.

When I was pregnant with Sadie, Ben was gone for 4 1/2 months of the pregnancy. We had intermittent visits. He was in the White Mountains with his new job with the Pinetop Fire Department, hunting for a new home for us to move into.

Now I'm pregnant with #5 and he's gone for 2 weeks. It is only 2 weeks. I know that it is not long. He's on the Horseshoe 2 wildland fire in southern AZ. It's just kinda funny that because we're not in the military anymore and settled in our home that I thought this time would be different. I was thinking that for once he would be here for an entire pregnancy. I wonder if my belly will look bigger to him after only 2 weeks.

I miss him. The kids miss him.

I sure am not complaining though! I've got plenty of friends who are still in the military and I know firsthand the sacrifices that are made and it's nothing compared to this two weeks. Not only are they going without their loved ones for a longer period of time, but the psychological aspect of deployments is more distressing too. Thanks to all of you military families for all that you sacrifice each and every day.

Complicated next couple of weeks...

Why? Ben is gone on a wildland fire in southern Arizona for a couple of weeks. It wouldn't have been that complicated had this assignment come a few weeks ago, but it's the last week of school...end of year programs, field trips, awards assemblies, parties are all in full swing. Oh and I usually only work a few shifts a month and this month all of my shifts happen to be during these last two weeks of the month. I work my work schedule around Ben's and so this causes an issue with child care, which is hard to come by for us up here on this mountain. I don't really have anyone I trade with or anything. Everyone seems to have family up here in this small little community. My kids have really only had 2 babysitters since we've lived here. One is graduating from high school this week...I hope I can hang on to her for a bit longer. The other is a dear friend and is just like family. In fact my kids call her Grandma and my family has been so blessed to have her in our lives. She is coming to my rescue and helping me coordinate all of these crazy schedules over the next couple of weeks. I don't know what I would do without her.

Sadie turned 4 on May 12th. She was all about Rapunzel this year, or as she would say, "Reepunzel." The girl is obsessed with Rapunzel! A couple of weeks ago she couldn't get into the car and Noelle was in the car so she yelled, "Ellie, let your hair down." Ellie does have long, beautiful hair, but she opened the door to let Sadie in. She was so much fun on her birthday. Whenever the phone would ring she would run to it and frantically say that it was for her. Ben and I have called her our little treat since the day she was born and she still is such a treat! She is a sassy, spicy treat these days! She made things very easy for me despite her Rapunzel theme, she just wanted chocolate frosting and sprinkles for her cake!

Speaking of Sadie, you never know what is going to come out of her mouth. Yesterday, when Ben was leaving for the wildland fire, he stopped by the house to grab a few things and say goodbye on his way out of town. Before he came home, I explained to the kids that Dad is going to be gone for a couple of weeks because he's going to go help on a fire. I didn't want to worry the kids or anything so I didn't make it sound dangerous or anything, I just explained that we're going to miss him, we need to hurry and say our goodbyes when he gets home because he will be in a hurry, but he will be back in a couple of weeks. Well, that's just what we did. We said our goodbyes, gave hugs and kisses and stood in the driveway to wave as he drove off in the firetruck. As Ben was getting into the firetruck, Sadie yelled, "Bye Dad. I love you! I hope you don't get dead!" Both Ben and I just laughed. We have no idea where this came from. I don't think that she really understands what death is though because she didn't say it with very much concern. She just said it very matter-of-factly.

I can't close this post without talking about food a little. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a very deep appreciation for food, so I will probably talk about it quite often in my posts. I mentioned that Natalie from Perry's Plate has been one of my inspirations in the kitchen. Well, I didn't get her permission to talk about her so I hope she'll forgive me for a minute. I think she will. I really like her approach on things in the kitchen because we share some commonalities. She adds spinach to a lot of her dishes to boost vegetable intake and nutritional value. I do this too. I like to add it to eggs...my kids call it green eggs :). I add it to smoothies, quesadillas...just to name a few things. Natalie loves sweet potatoes and I do too. I am all about using these two super foods, amongst others, whenever I can. Natalie believes in whole grains. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is important to me. Anyways, Natalie just puts some fun spins on some of these foods for me and this week was no exception. If any of you are looking for a good vegetarian meal, or even if you aren't you have to give this http://www.perrysplate.com/2011/03/stacked-roasted-vegetable-enchiladas.html a try. I'm not vegetarian, but we do try to have a couple of meatless dinners each week and this recipe is a keeper at my house. While you're checking this recipe out, cruise around her site a little. A couple of weeks ago we made her energy balls for a healthier snack that my whole family loved!...and as I sit here preaching about how I like to eat healthy, I'm eating chocolate chip cookies! I never said I was giving up my treats!!

Pregnancy update...the photo below is me today at 24 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I need to dig out some photos from previous pregnancies to show you all the difference from what I think I should look like at 24 weeks pregnant. I know that I'm not huge, but I am bigger with this one than what I have been with other pregnancies so I feel like I am. I keep saying that it's because I'm in my 30's or that it's because it's my 5th. Who really knows? Onto more important things...the baby is growing well measuring in the 50th percentile. Most of you already know that Ben and I don't find out ahead of time what the gender is, but Ben will tell you that it is a boy. He didn't get a peak or anything. He just has a hunch. He has been right with the first 4 so we will see how he does this time.

Gettin' started...

Well, I finally did it! I'm a blogger. I've actually been wanting to do it for awhile. I think it's a great way to keep track of mile stones as I've seen with many of your blogs.

So, what took me so long? I attempted to start one last year, but I couldn't come up with the perfect name. I knew that I wanted to do a play on words with our awesome last name. How could I not?! Well, my inspiration for our family blog name came from my friend Jessica Gilmore. (I hope she'll forgive me for bragging about her for a minute!) She was Noelle's and is currently Ethan's 1st grade teacher and I couldn't ask for a better 1st grade teacher for my children! But, she is not just my children's teacher, she is one of my dearest friends on this mountain and we are both just too darn busy to take more advantage of our friendship... I can't wait for summer!! Anyways, back to how I got the name...Jessica and I got together to make Christmas gifts last year and as I was trying to come up with the perfect phrase to etch on the back of a serving dish for my in-laws she came up with "We're Altop Notch." Isn't it perfect? Thanks Jess!

So why am I blogging now? Here are some reasons:

1) I am a blog voyeur! I love reading blogs. Some of you know I've been watching you, but I think most of you do not.

2) I am inspired by many of these blogs that I've been stocking! I have been inspired in different ways by your blogs. For example I am inspired in the kitchen by my friend Natalie with her Perry's Plate blog and I am inspired by my BFF Lesley on a spiritual level, mom level and because that girl just plain gets me!

3) I have seriously been considering signing off of facebook for good, but I am a bit chicken. I'm chicken because I love keeping in touch with people, but I need to simplify. Facebook has especially been nice for those of you that I lost touch with and I don't want to lose touch with you again! This may be my way of simplifying and keeping in touch with those who genuinely want to know what's going on with my family. I'll let you know what I decide when I do. Oh, and I will give you a heads up that sometimes I change my mind...I'm allowed to do that!

4) Most importantly, this is a way that I can journal about my family's happenings, keep track of the fun things we do and the funny things my kids say. These are also things that I love reading in all of your blogs that I follow. So many of you have given me great ideas on things I can do with my family and I have copied you. I hope that every now and then we can inspire you too!