l & d

i mentioned in an earlier post that our family was going to have some big changes with the coming year and that i would explain more later.

well, the first of the changes happened in january. a couple of weeks after i had chase, i received a call from my work and was offered a part time position in labor & delivery. i was elated and heart broken all at the same time. l & d is something i've always been passionate about and always thought that i would do, but thought that now was neither the time nor season for it with just having a baby. prior to this time, i worked on a very minimal basis in post partem and it was, what i considered a perfect situation for my family. taking this position would mean that i would need to work full time while i train which would be approximately six months and then when training is complete i am committing to work 2 nights a week.

when contemplating writing this post, i really thought that i was going to go into all the nitty gritty details of how ben and i came to the decision that we came to. however, i decided that some of the details are a little too personal for a public post. so if any of you really want to know for whatever reason, go ahead and ask me. it's not too personal to share with people who really want to know and care. i may actually decide to post all about it in a future post. it would also probably be a lengthy post and right now at this moment, i just really want to get my family happenings all caught up since i'm 4 months behind!

so, long story short, after going over the pros and cons and much prayer i accepted the position. i'm about 2 1/2 months into training and i love it. i don't know why i am suppose to be doing this right now at this crazy, busy time in my life and with all that i have on my plate but i am suppose to do this. i thought that my family was going to go crazy through all of this, but i have an amazing, supportive husband that just takes care of everything in my absence. he knows that i am a neurotic, perfectionist freak and that i stress and worry over every LITTLE thing. i make a big deal out of little things and out of every little detail. i am so lucky to have him during all of this.

i think that one of the reasons that i am suppose to do it right now is because the trainer that i have right now is available to train me. i didn't ask her permission if i can talk about her so i won't mention her by name. i'll just brag about her. she is amazing. i don't just want to be able to do my job, i really want to be awesome with it and i hate that it takes so much time to just be competent. i want it to just come to me and be able to do it so that i can work on being awesome at it. does that make any sense? and then to top it all off, i still have a breastfeeding baby so i HAVE to take breaks to go pump. i don't want to take 10-15 breaks to pump because i just want to get done with my training and understand what i am doing. well, watching my trainer in action makes me feel so lucky...no blessed to have her yet so incredibly incompetent because she is so great and makes it all look so easy. i just want to be able to do this. but, she pushes me and stretches me and is really helping me to grow. the fact that i graduated in 2002, but then did not work pretty much until the very end of 2008 meant that i really had forgotten and lost the limited skill set that a new grad has. so even though i started working in post partem in 2008, there are just some skills that i have not had the opportunity until now to use since i was in school. i am feeling incredibly inadequate and overwhelmed by this opportunity, but i love it and again my trainer is just amazing. she keeps pushing me and cheering me along and i hope when i grow up that i can be half as awesome as she is! i love her!! i am just trying to soak up every little ounce of knowledge from her that i can while i am with her because my training period is just flying by. she has to repeat so many things to me because there is so much to learn in one day that the only way to retain it is by repetition. i really just want to get it and be a rockstar at this and i just have to accept that this is going to take time and i am NOT a patient person. i am so glad that my trainer is being so patient with me! all of the girls i have worked with are amazing...i work with the best of the best.

i have learned a ton, but i still have a long way to go. thanks trainer...i will never be able to thank you enough or repay you, but i will do my best to try. you know who you are and YOU ROCK!!!

p.s. if i get her permission, i will mention her by name in future posts because she deserves it.